I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
