I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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