Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
