Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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