i jhust puked up my retainher.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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