DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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