there's paper in my vomit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
