so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
