i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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