My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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