I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
