Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
