Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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