i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
