the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
