i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
