The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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