If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
