____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
