Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
