He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
