He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
