And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
