Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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