i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
