he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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