You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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