I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
