last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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