fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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