There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
