if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
