i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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