I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
