Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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