The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
