just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
