Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
