I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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