Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
