i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
