spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
