so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
