shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
