A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
