I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We got so high we made milksteak
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
