i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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