Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
