I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
