UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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