Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
