is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
